Small Kids, Big Kids: We All Use Our Words

Recently I visited a friend’s preschool classroom. While there, I saw an argument that mirrored my own high school students’ conflicts very closely. I walked away curious about the way younger and older students use their words to explain their own feelings and the actions of others.
When I entered the room, the four-year-olds were in centers. Students built a labyrinth of colorful sprockets across the room. An art table dripped paint onto the floor and an aid tried to convince a little girl that her owl was brown enough. The theater performed a different impromptu production every two to five minutes depending on the cast’s whims. But the site of the conflict was the computer table.
As I watched, Victoria lightly overtook Brittany’s mouse and soon began manipulating the game. Brittany was entranced by the new game functions Victoria was uncovering and did not put up any protest—at first. Then Brittany said in halting, but confident tones, “Hey. Hey—I was playing. Can I please have the mouse back?” Victoria’s blue eyes narrowed and she did not respond to Brittany’s request. Brittany took matters into her own hands. She grabbed the mouse back. Victoria pulled her chair out from under her. Brittany started crying. The teacher hurried to the scene and arbitrated with this phrase: “Use your words.”
Brittany: “When you took the mouse, I felt sad. I wanted to play. I felt like you thought I was small.”
Victoria: “I know the game better. I want to play. I like computers best.”
Teacher: “What are the rules during centers? Why do we have these rules?”
A compromise was soon reached and Victoria was told to go to her correct center. But before she left, she turned to me and said conspiratorially,
“Everything she does, she does on purpose because she doesn’t like me.”
Victoria’s transparency is shocking. But the only difference between her sentiment and my teenage students’ is the honesty and clarity with which she states her perspective.
A freshmen girl might say instead, “She’s messed up.”
It’s the same idea, but with fewer words, and thus, the idea is cloudier. After this incident in the preschool classroom, I’ve taken to using the teacher’s phrase with my high school students: “Use your words.”
However, it goes both ways. Use your words to explain your feelings and reach compromise. Or, use your words to justify the anger or prejudice you feel. As I was listening to the radio the other day, I heard an insightful middle school student further explain this idea.
“The older you get, the more you judge people based on their looks, their background, how they act, what cool is for kids.” This comes from Leo, featured in This American Life’s episode on middle school.
People are mean to each other at all ages. As we mature, we find more scaffolds to hold up our prejudices. Regardless of the scholarly words we use or popular theories behind our dislike of someone or something, we need to use our words and be kind to one another.
Now, when there is a conflict in class and I ask students to use their words, the more they sound like the simple ideas of the preschoolers, the better the situation usually ends. The more adult and complex their ideas, often the longer the malice festers.
References
Glass, I (Executive Producer). (2011, October 28). Middle school. This American Life. Chicago: WBEZ.

Homecoming at school

Students are throwing frisbees, climbing the rock wall, helping younger siblings into the jump palace. Seeing students outside the classroom, in a more natural element makes me a better teacher. It smokes me of the many dimensions to their identities and gives me empathy when the two page report I adorned is not a student's very number one priority.

Because We Care

Today at lunch the 10th grade teachers met with the 10th grade "repeaters." They make us want to pull our hair out because of the many small (and not so small) ways they choose to self destruct. But we called the meeting, ordered them pizza, explained the purpose, and then split them into small groups to talk to them about their credits. One has been in school two years and has a total of 3 credits to his name. I don't understand how this could have happened in the first place. But we talk patiently, explain what their next steps are, how they can get it together. How to sign up for credit recovery.

And.

When the meeting was almost over, the school director asks them, "So why do you think we called this meeting?

Tina thick-kohl-eyed, hair-pouf-up-to-here, every-other-word-an-f-bomb-her-first-freshman-hear, been-kicked-out-of-her-house-too-many-times, and now got-out-of-her-gang Sanchez answered softly:
"Because you guys care."

Earlier, one of our most professional staff members, a math teacher, asked the "repeaters" straight up if they thought they would graduate. Almost everyone raised their hands. Some were raised under the table, so we wouldn't see their small hope only to crush it. One boy did not raise his hand. He could graduate. He is smart as all get out. He just doesn't turn his work in the inbox.

After all the warm fuzzies and remembering how many times Carlos had been caught off campus and all the times Lupe had been sent to the office, I think we were all feeling good and hopeful.

Tina came to my class after the lunch meeting, ready to learn, I was sure of it.

She ended up sitting down next to Yasmin and talking the whole dang period.

Sophomoric Behavior

Someone I worked with said that sophomores are named that for a reason: they engage in sophomore behavior. They're immature, silly, irresponsible, and living in the moment.

However, my sophomores this year are anything but sophomoric. After a honeymoon of a first week, I am thoroughly impressed with students' planning, responsibility, perseverance, and maturity. I assigned a project on Tuesday, due on Friday. Of the half that have presented thus far, many students went above and beyond the requirements. They are articulating specific goals for themselves, such as becoming a pathologist or environmental engineer. They are sharing details about what motivates them, whether it's a mother who's going back to law school or proving all the doubters wrong.

After spending their freshman year with them in 2010-11, I am thrilled to see how they continue to grow this year, 2011-12.

Bring on the Sophomoric behavior. Thus far, it's great.

Year Three

Just received an email from a friend, a great teacher. The email was about yoga, but she made the comment, "Fake it to make it. When will we stop feeling that way?" It brings up the element of performance and the constant uncertainty I feel. There are so many complex variables that go into classroom teaching, especially in Title 1 schools. And regardless of how many hours I put in planning for every possibility, inevitably, surprises come up. Things do not go as well as I envisioned.

This year I am going to have more gentleness for well-intentioned mistakes. Also, I am going to dedicate more time to recognizing people's efforts, students, teachers, even my own.

Here's to my best yet year of teaching.

Global Experience

Very grateful for my first global experience and the opportunity to meet so many world travelers. Now I finally have one small story of my own to share. With hopefully many more to come.

Currently eating with an Irishman, a German, two New Jerseyan vegan sisters, mi esposo, and another lawyer from New York City.

Visualizing the Goal

This morning we ran up the quarter mile footpath, all the while visualizing large cumbersome luggage behind us and pitch black darkness all about. Because at 3:30am tomorrow morning, that's what we'll be doing.

This Earth Lodge is secluded and gorgeous. Yet there are a plethora of ex-pats here, chatting about friends who are too gorgeous to be dating that old guy or who are jetting from Panama to New York City on a regular basis. It's surreal, the rural poverty and conglomerated colorful patterns of Mayan dress juxtaposed with Patagonia baby gear and five purebred dogs wandering about the property.